Vulnerable

This is also a piece I wrote recently for a workshop. Last names and schools are censored. 

  

Be the one to stop it.

Hands rough from calices, a trophy to him from years of playing the guitar. A Led Zeppelin shirt hangs upon his long torso. He stands at 5 feet 10 inches, slender. Standing somewhat slumped at times, straight at others, he often finds his self-confidence wavering. His eyes a deep brown similar to a young beagle begging for a treat. He pushs a portion of his dirty blonde mop of hair out of his eyes with one of his hands and speaks. “Yeah, you could say I’ve been bullied,” said Kyle B-, 15, a student at __________.

 “One day I had to write a 5 page essay. I was on the computer in the library and these little assholes came over and pushed me out of my seat,” B- said. “They were doing it for the pleasure of being mean and getting attention. They said the usual bull. Like ‘you're a faggot’ ‘move over cracker shit.’ I did retaliate which I'm sure didn't help. Like I cursed back at them, made them chill out and see if they'd just leave. But of course they didn't. No one really said anything. It was at the back of the library so no teachers saw, there were a few girls but they just made a giggling noise and walked away.”

No one intervened, leaving B- to fend for himself.

“It made me feel helpless and vulnerable,” B- said. “It would have meant so much to have someone stand up for me, proving someone thought it was wrong. I was hurt by that as well.”

B- is not alone.

Images of a young girl flashes on the two screens in the Jester auditorium. Baby pictures, school photographs, and snapshots of friends, one after another. “How to save a life,” by the Fray booms from the speakers, echoing in auditorium, at least half the size of a regulation football field. Words appear. “I hate you,” “loser,” “idiot.” The atmosphere heavy, as if a black cloud hanging over every head in the room. In the center of the carpeted stage stands a woman of medium height, with a British accent, tinged with a dash of Texan. Her hands flourishing as she talked, pacing. Barbara-Jane Paris, speaking for those who no longer could.

Most bullying seminars and speeches focus on the he bully, the victim, and the bystander. But Paris says there’s a problem with this equation.

“I think you’re part of the problem or part of the solution,” Paris said. “There is no bystander.”

Paris has spent the past several years speaking about bullying. She said she became involved since the day in her office when a sophomore came in; telling her one of her students was being “crucified” on the Internet. Paris didn’t know what to do, since the bullying was happening off campus. Then she realized that the school needs to get involved, but principals and authoritative figures aren’t the ones that can make a difference.

“This is the age group that can make the change,” said Paris speaking to a group of kids ranging from ages 13 to 18. “You can make a difference.”

A difference, for example in the life of Audrey H-.

A girl with kind eyes and a thick wad of straight honey brown hair, often tucked behind her ears. Soft spoken, speaking carefully at times, her eyes flickering with excitement others. H-, a student at __________, had a best friend for years, until that friend turned on her.

“She started to call me names and yell at me for having other friends,” H- said. “She would say awful things to me during class and it would take everything in my power to not cry. I never really knew why she did it, just one of those inexplicable girl things I guess. It made me feel awful because I really trusted her and she betrayed that trust by hurting me to make herself feel more powerful. I've always been a really forgiving person, but after a while I couldn't forgive her anymore and we grew apart.”

Since the incident, H- says she’s had a hard time connecting with people.

“I wish that I could say it changed me for the better, that it made me stronger, and it did, but the biggest way it affected me was in my ability to trust and open up to people,” H- said. “I find it a lot harder now to open up and I've become very guarded. I'm glad though because it taught me a lot about what I can handle and showed me who my real friends were.”

It’s that sense of vulnerability that B- understands. He’s been through it too.

 “I’ll definitely stand up for someone so that they don’t [have to] go through the same thing,” B- said.